Haley lies about closing two deals to bring jobs to the state

Posted by Chris Haire on Wed, Sep 7, 2011 at 5:09 PM

Nikki Haley is ball of positivity, a wave of enthusiasm, a motherfucking fount of optimism. And like any Borderline Pollyanna Disorder patient, she is prone to lie — to others and herself.

Consider the recent dustup over her overseas trip to the Paris Air Show earlier this summer.


As you know, the Post and Courier called out the allegedly fiscally conservative Haley for the wad of cash she spent on the trip to Gay Paree for her entourage, including anti-Park Circle rail plan mastermind Sen. Hugh Leatherman.

Although my dislike for Haley runs deep — in fact, you might say it's as deep as Sarah Palin is shallow — I don't have a problem with Nikki's European vacation. It's takes a big fucking carrot to lure international business to this Confederate cornhole, even when they come from a goosestepping country with a holocaust-themed barbecue joint. I say bring on the jobs, but keep the BBQ bigots to yourself. We've already got one Maurice Bessinger. We don't need another one.

But now, Nikki's at it again. This time, Haley knew that the P&C and its readers wouldn't be satisfied with the dirty truth about her economic development mission, you know, that such trips amount to little more than a banner ad on the homepage of the European Union. They're merely a reminder to overseas businessmen that South Carolina is open for business — and that some of our politicians are a bit more open than others. But that wasn't good enough for Nikki. Nope.

First, she had to proclaim that everybody who was anybody at the Paris Air Show was all sex-nuts about the Palmetto State. "The buzz is about how great our workforce is, how the cost of doing business is low, and how we continue to get more business friendly," Haley said, according to the Moultrie News.

Yes, I realize that our great state just landed Boeing, and that's a good thing. An excellent thing. A thank-God kind of thing. But I seriously doubt that South Cackalacky was all the rage among the European aerospace business elite . If you ask me, this is just another example of how the power of positive thinking runs amuck in the mouth of Nikki Haley. However, I could be wrong.

But that blast of positivity wasn't enough for Haley. Last week, she proclaimed that the state had " "closed two deals" to bring jobs to the Palmetto State, according to the P&C's Renee Dudley.

However, when Dudley spoke to state Commerce Sec. Bobby Hitt, she learned that no such deals existed, although he did say that "two agreements involving foreign employers [were] in the works."

Now, maybe I'm splitting hairs, here. Maybe I'm not. But remember this: Loose lips sink ships. If Haley actually hopes to successfully woo business to South Carolina, she'd be wise to keep her mouth shut until the papers are signed and to leave the daily affirmations to those private moments each morning when she's in front of the mirror polishing her teeth.

Comments (16)

Showing 1-16 of 16

I'm shocked at the writer's language. Surely he can find better adjectives than the ones he used in this article.

Posted by Elaine on September 7, 2011 at 8:48 PM

@ Elaine - You must be shocked frequently if this language bothers you. Positively electrocuted.

Posted by OhSillyGirl on September 7, 2011 at 9:49 PM

@ oh silly bitch, I am shocked at this asshole's foul and profane use of the language in his piece of shit article. What does he provide but his dumbass bullshit fucking opinon. It is obvious that this bastard just uses "hot-button" issues in order to inflate himself like a penile implant. Fuck this stupid fucking fuck and the horse his lousey dumb ass rode in on.

Posted by holyerthantho on September 8, 2011 at 1:42 AM

It never ceases to amaze me the language people chose to use. However, it does show what fine individuals you are. Your parents would be proud.

Posted by harpoop on September 8, 2011 at 7:37 AM

I'm more appalled at the butchery of the non-slang aspects of this piece, but not shocked. This is Chris Haire, Editor Without an Eraser after all. He also has a potty mouth; this is not news.

She is a "font of optimism," not "fount."
Her "positive thinking runs amok," not "amuck."
The Governor took a "trip to Gay Paris," not "Paree." Paris is pronounced with a long "e" in French, so if you're already affecting Lumiere's accent it flows naturally without the custom spelling.

Posted by factoryconnection on September 8, 2011 at 9:35 AM


If you hate "this Confederate cornhole" "South Cackalacky" so much why don't you move to Taxachusetts so you can legally marry your gay lover and live in that paradise?

Posted by Voice of Reason on September 8, 2011 at 10:23 AM

Actually, my friend Factory, you are wrong on all three counts.

"Gay Paree" is the term. http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=chro…

Amuck can be spelled "amok" and "amuck."

And "fount" is correct. http://www.dailywritingtips.com/fount-of-w…

"Oh Snap!" indeed.

Posted by chrishaire on September 8, 2011 at 10:31 AM


Wait? What gave you the impression that I hate South Carolina. I love it. In fact, I left Taxachusetts and later Hawaii to come back here. The Palmetto State has everything that a political junkie could ask for — trash talking, skullduggery, scandal, tomfoolery, a justifiable obsession with the legacy of a war that ended 150 years ago. To quote Nikki Haley, South Carolina is the best state in the nation.

P.S. I don't think a gay man would have me. I don't bathe on the weekends.

Posted by chrishaire on September 8, 2011 at 10:51 AM

Dammit if you aren't correct: each of those can be spelled either way. You've really turned a page (in your style manual)!

Posted by factoryconnection on September 8, 2011 at 11:11 AM

Chris, I agree with you 1000%. Gov.Haley, please dont run your mouth about job deals until they are DONE!!! We need those jobs in SC.
And as for the language, write the way you speak, America. I too, am a foul-mouthed,taxpaying, registered voter who was raised by foul-mouthed taxpayers who I never saw vote except at the local VFW. Did anyone else hear the piece on the news about folks who curse on the regular are happier people? maybe they didnt word it quite like that, but that was the message I got from the statistics they spouted off.Fuck it- say what you want!!!

Posted by stuckinchuck on September 8, 2011 at 11:26 AM

If you are still in Chucktown in 5 years it will be because you love the city. You've got talent, don't worry about all of the nit-pickers! Or is it knit-pickers?

Posted by Norseman on September 8, 2011 at 2:11 PM

I hear the two deals closed were for escorts. :)

Posted by harpoop on September 8, 2011 at 5:56 PM

Bravo, Haire, you awesome effing so-and-so!

Posted by tbird on September 9, 2011 at 6:49 PM

"Haley Lies"

Posted by TROLLSLAYER on September 9, 2011 at 7:15 PM

you are fuckin' hysterical!!! You have got your writing skills down good, bubba. I especially liked the closing about her brushing her damn teeth. That cutey little smile she always has with those teeth bug the shit out of me.

Posted by Melanie Whodat Bartmess on September 10, 2011 at 10:03 AM

you did it again, my local hero writer. You are f'n hysterical. I especially liked the finishing touch - the picture of her with her pearly whites in front of a mirror. That cutesy little smile with those teeth of hers always bugs the shit out of me. Thanks, Bubba. You done good again. PS: I love the way you pull all the factors together so well when talking about the screwed up educational system and the head honchos refusal of millons of fed dollars.

Posted by Melanie Whodat Bartmess on September 10, 2011 at 10:06 AM
Showing 1-16 of 16

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