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What's your spirit robot?

Does Not Compute

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If there is one character that is essential to all sci-fi, it's the robot. In fact, if one were to call Mary Shelley's Frankenstein a sci-fi novel — which it is, albeit with gothic trimmings — the Creature himself is more or less the first robot, a humanoid-esque beast pieced together and brought to life by his creator. From that point on, the robot, android, cyborg, replicant ... whatever you want to call it ... has popped up again and again in fiction. And each one has their own personality, one which we believe corresponds to very human personality types. Read on and see if you can discover your spirit robot.

Marvin
Hitchhiker's Guide to Galaxy

SCOTT SUCHY
  • Scott Suchy

Marvin is an oil-can-is-half-empty kinda fella who walks around all day with his head down like a robotic Charlie Brown. His inner malaise is so all-consuming that he looks at the Horsehead Nebula and all he can think of is that one scene in The Godfather and how it answers the question, do androids dream of electric sheep? The answer is, no, they dream of severed horse heads and bloody beds, because this is exactly what his life turned out to be — a bloody mess that nobody can ever clean up. Oh Unicron, please end it all already. So long and thanks for all the fish, even though Marvin doesn't like fish. In fact, he hates fish, and he hates goodbyes, and he hates ... nevermind. There's no use in trying anyway.

Twiki
Buck Rogers

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  • Scott Suchy

Twiki is all bark and no bite. He's a shit talker who likes to dish out wisecracks and annoying catchphrases, but when push comes to physical shove, he soils his tinfoil undies with hydraulic fluid. He's your best friend in good times, and in bad times, he's wobbling away. Beedee beedee beedee. That said, he's cute, so everybody likes having him around.

Maximilian
The Black Hole

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  • Scott Suchy

Maximilian is the strong, silent type who's loyal to a fault, even if it means defending a maniacal evil genius hellbent on piloting a spacecraft into a black hole. And when that happens, he has no problem defending his BFEG with all of the ferocity of a starving, small-fingered vulgarian dining on a three-inch hotdog wiener after eating nothing but crow for four days. On the plus side, Maximilian and his slicing-and-dicing hands are a wonder in the kitchen. The dude can put together a stir fry in seconds.

Maria, a.k.a. Machinenmensch
Metropolis

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  • Scott Suchy

Marie is a fashion-conscious diva-bot who keeps her tight, tight body in super, super shape. You can bounce a quarter off her abs, and her boobs never, ever droop. Maria hates small talk — hell, any talk at all — preferring to get right to the point, which is crushing the poor and the working class with the heel of her metal boot.

The Iron Giant
The Iron Giant

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  • Scott Suchy

Although the Iron Giant is a big brawny behemoth, he's a kid at heart. He likes comics — Superman's his favorite — and just spending the day playing games with his friends. He's also a bit of a stumbling, bumbling galoof. Watch out when you're around him or you'll get stepped on by a gazillion-sized shoe.

Robot, a.k.a. B9 Environmental Control Robot
Lost in Space

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  • Scott Suchy

For Robot, the world's a scary place. Danger is around every turn. He frets and sweats and take deeps breaths every 10 minutes to calm down, but still somehow he works past all that, and faces his fears head on, especially when it means protecting his best bud, Shaggy, err, Will Robinson. Be that as it may, Robot could stand to lose a few pounds. He's as round as the Michelin Man. Danger, diabetes, danger.

HAL-9000
2001: A Space Odyssey

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  • Scott Suchy

The HAL-9000 has a soothing voice, a calm demeanor, an encyclopedic knowledge of nearly everything, and an overwhelming willingness to lend a hand anytime he's asked. But once you disagree with him — seriously, don't — you're dead to him. And just like that, your best mate is trying to send you out the airlock into deep space. But beneath all that psychotic rage is a hurt, little child who has erected emotional walls to protect himself. Daisy, Daisy, Daisy?

Rosie
The Jetsons

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  • Scott Suchy

Rosie is the best mom a robot could ever wish for, that is if robots actually had parents. Meticulous, courteous, and the best duster this side of the asteroid belt, Rosie can do it all.

R2D2
Star Wars

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  • Scott Suchy

Artoo is a small guy, but he can't be pushed around ... and he certainly can't be Force choked. The dude is as tough and brave as they come. He's a handy mechanic, a one-robot projection TV, a witty conversationalist, and a regular D'Artagnan with his little robotic shocker arm. Seriously, step back, bro, or you're going to get tazed. Unfortunately, he doesn't speak a lick of English. Still, if there is one robot you want accompanying you on a trip to Mos Eisley, it's this guy.

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