by Chris Haire
We all knew it was going to happen one day — not that anybody is prepared for it — but the time has come for the Baby Boom generation to begin receiving Social Security checks. The AP reports that the Social Security office has received its first Baby Boomer applicant.
In completely unrelated news, scientists have discovered a new species of dinosaur.
Now around the office the other day, the subject of the old Dinosaurs television show came up. Even if you were a fan of the show, you may not know how it ends. Here it goes:
The series finale of Dinosaurs concerns the irresponsible actions of the dinosaurs toward their environment, and the ensuing Ice Age which leads to their demise. The episode begins with the failure of a beetle swarm to show up and check the spread of a form of creeper vine. The reason is later shown to be the destruction of the beetle's breeding ground to create a wax fruit factory. The Wesayso Corporation takes charge of the attempt to destroy the vine, which it does by spraying the planet with defoliant. The operation destroys the vine, but kills off all plant life on the planet as well. B.P. Richfield assumes that the creation of clouds will bring rain, allowing the plants to grow back, and so decides to create clouds by dropping bombs in the planet's volcanoes to cause eruptions and cloud cover. The dark clouds instead instigate global cooling, and viewers are left in no doubt as to the fate of the dinosaurs. The final scene of the series depicts a color-warped broadcast from newscaster Howard Handupme, eerily staring into the camera in a slowly freezing studio, and droning, "Goodnight...Goodbye." The credits then roll over a shot of the Sinclairs' house, slowly disappearing beneath a snow drift, while a melancholy string instrumental plays. The episode contains a clear, dark message of environmental responsibility, and, while not overt in its portrayal of the extinction of the dinosaurs, the episode was still a marked change from its normal humor and merited a parental warning in the TV listings.
And there was much crying.