by Chris Haire
Yesterday, rightwing harpie Ann Coulter finally admitted what many had long speculated: that she doesn't mean a damn thing she says. Here's what Ann had to say:
I've been participating in a charade for nearly eleven years, now. Quite frankly, I'm sick of it. You have all been a part of a sick joke that I began considering shortly after first getting on the air. At first, it was quite interesting to see how people would react when I would use twisted logic and poorly masked bigotry.
But eleven years is a long time to be living a fake life, and I can no longer tolerate this falsity. Even someone as fake as I tires out eventually.
Here's the truth, I don't care what people believe. Jews don't need to be "made perfect" as I so arrogantly proclaimed to Editor & Publisher not a half week ago. I don't even care if people are Muslim. Granted, I don't know much about the religion or the people, but they are people. This is something that we cannot forget, they are in an abhorrent situation. These people are in need of education. Perhaps if we did not participate in causing them misery, they would not hate us so.
In fact, does it really matter whether we are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Atheist, or even Pagan? We are one nation. One. We should not let petty differences separate us, we are all American, and should act in that manner.
And with that, my precious viewers, I bid you adieu. My career as a media figurehead is over.
P.S. - Oh, and Bill O'Reilly is also just acting.
However, even though the letter appears on Coulter's website, it is apparently a fake, the mischievous product of a prank-happy hacker.
As for that rumor that Ann Coulter is actually Andy Kaufman, well, we'll reserve judgment.