by Chris Haire
I like seedy places.
When I step into a bar for a night-long drinking session, I want the floors to be as sticky as a casting couch at the Vivid Video headquarters.
I want the bar tops to be covered in scuff marks, spilt beer, and dried blood — lots and lots of dried blood.
I want a dive where the grizzled barflies offer to blow you in the bathroom in exchange for a shot of bourbon.
I want a place where the toilets seats are lined with cocaine and the phone numbers of all of your future girlfriends are written on the bathroom stall walls.
I imagine that Washington D.C. is nothing like that. And that's one of the reasons I would never want to live there.
But for GOP presidential candidate Rick Perry, D.C. is a seedy place. In fact, that's exactly what he said to right-wing radio host Laura Ingraham on her show today, according to Real Clear Politics.
"With all due respect to anybody that's out there either directly or indirectly criticizing me because I speak plainly, I call it like I see it. Look, I am not an establishment figure, never have been and frankly I don’t want to be. I dislike Washington; I think it’s a seedy place."
Now, my immediate reaction is one of utter befuddlement. I mean, why on earth would Gov. Perry want to leave his beloved state of Texas for a place he so obviously hates? I just don't understand. I wouldn't want to move to Pelzer. It boggles the mind.
But in all seriousness, this is the kind of down-with-D.C. redmeat that Perry and folks like Jim DeMint like to throw to the mad-as-hell members of the lottery class who are pissed off that someone other than themselves may be the beneficiary of a government entitlement program. (Seriously guys, if you need to know one thing about Jim DeMint it's this: He's a theocrat in libertarian clothing. The Bible is his Constitution. Read his book Saving Freedom and you'll see.)
The lottery class? What's that, you ask? Well, these are the folks who bet the farm on mesothelioma class actioners, workers comp claims, a lawsuit about that hot cup of coffee that scalded their lilly white genitals, and lost. They thought they were winners, but it turned out they were wrong. And it's a truth they are having a hard time coming to terms with. In fact, they just want to grab the board game and throw all the pieces in the air. If they can't collect $200, then no one can.
Perry and company understand this. After all, they are winners, and they got that way by easily duping the rubes with the political equivalent of one Nigerian e-mail scam after another.
Right now, this sort of tactic might work for Perry, but I don't think it will in 2012. Like last week's gaffes, it's the sort of thing that wins a seat at the Tea Party table — and maybe the occasionally statewide race or two — but it doesn't work for the mainstreamers across the nation — you know, the folks that actually think the government should work for us and not that we should be working to bring it down.
Personally, I give Perry two more months in the race before he pulls out. Heck, I'd even bet your class-action lawsuit on it.