by Chris Haire
A lot of things have changed in my life since July.
I've taken a shine to bourbon.
I've learned the theme song to The Good Night Show on Sprout.
I've welcome a new baby girl into the world.
I've cut down on the amount of cursing I do on a daily basis.
I've begun to get caught up on nearly all of the summer movies I missed.
I've cut the grass far more often than I would have liked.
I've learned how to make gravy.
I've gone back to ground coffee.
To you that may not sound like a lot. But to me it's a shit ton.
Now, we may disagree on my productivity, but there's no question that the so-called Super Committee has been a super fucking dud.
As you probably already know, the Super Committee just announced that they are going to pass the buck on the assignment they were first given in July. They're not going to do the hard work that they were assigned to do — you know, come up with a plan to cut our federal debt.
What a bunch of fucking weenies.
Well, America, it's time to show them that we mean business. It's time to let them know that their cowardice will not go unpunished. It's time for them to give them wedgies.
Rep. Xavier Becerra (D-CA), Rep. Dave Camp (R-MI), Rep. James Clyburn (D-SC), Rep. Jeb Hensarling (R-TX), Rep. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD), Rep. Fred Upton (R-MI), Sen. Max Baucus (D-MT), Sen. Jon Kyl (R-AZ), Sen. John Kerry (D-MA), Sen. Rob Portman (R-OH), Sen. Patty Murray (D-WA), and Sen. Pat Toomey (R-PA) — you have all been put on notice.
Shortly, at a time of our choosing, you will feel a slight tug on your undies and then, just as you begin to look over your shoulder, as you begin to recognize exactly what is happening, that tug will become a yank, the kind that will pull you up to your tip toes and you will know that the time to pay for your gutlessness has arrived.
And just so you know what's coming your way, here's a collection of videos to prepare you for your fate: