by Chris Haire
Up until this morning, I was uncertain about who I would vote for in the Jan. 21 South Carolina GOP primary. Unlike the Palmetto State's Republican gubernatorial primary in 2010, no single candidate will make my job any easier.
In 2010, it was clear that Nikki Haley was going to give good copy, again and again, and boy has she. But today, no one looks like a surefire comedy-content producer. Rick Perry comes close, but his brief flirtation with dropping out of the race was a clear sign that he was itching to turn tail and return to his backwoods headquarters at Niggerhead ranch. Making jokes at the Texas governor's expense is like mocking the village half-wit who got stuck in a well looking for leprechauns.
And so, I have suffered. And suffered. And suffered.
But as I sat down to eat a hearty breakfast of country ham and rice and gravy this morning, my suffering came to an end. The pain was gone. I now knew who I was voting for: Stephen Colbert.
As many of you know, the Comedy Central faux-newsman and Charleston native has a Super PAC which he has used throughout the campaign season to spread mirth and mischief. His most impressive stunt came when he got the SCGOP to agree to name the Jan. 21 primary the Colbert Super PAC South Carolina Republican Primary in exchange for a payment of $500,000 from the comedian. The money would be used to pay for the primary since the SCGOP didn't have the funds to pay for the costs of the Jan. 21 contest.
Last night, Colbert one-uped himself, announcing that he was going to begin exploring a run for president ... but only in South Carolina. However, to do that Colbert had to relinquish control of his Super PAC and handover ownership to someone else. Hmm. Who would that be? Well, here's the Super PAC's official press release on the matter:
Americans For A Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow, an FEC registered Super PAC, today announced the addition of Jon Stewart to its executive board (along with the subtraction of Stephen Colbert).
With this change the group, which had been known colloquially as Colbert Super PAC, can now be referred to as The Definitely Not Coordinating With Stephen Colbert Super PAC. They have already begun updating all of their letterhead with sharpie.
"I am excited to take the reins of this completely independent organization, and begin to air ads in South Carolina," said New President and Noncommunication Director Jon Stewart. "But I want to be clear: Stephen and I have in no way have worked out a series of morse-code blinks to convey information with each other on our respective shows."
Colbert is currently exploring a run for President of the United States of South Carolina. Because of this, he cannot be associated with any Super PACs, although he has asked Americans For A Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow to forward any periodicals of an "adult nature." *
Americans A Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow is an independent, expenditure-only committee founded by Stephen Colbert in the wake of the Supreme Court’s Citizens United ruling, then handed down to Jon Stewart like a pair of old dungarees.
In related news, Public Policy Polling announced on Tues. Jan. 10 that if Colbert's name was on the S.C. primary ballot, 5 percent of voters would vote for him, giving the comedian an edge over real-life Republican candidate Jon Huntsman and only 2 percentage points behind Rick "The Math is Hard Barbie of the GOP Primary" Perry.
Here's Colbert's official announcement:
|The Colbert Report||Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c|
|Indecision 2012 - Colbert Super PAC - Coordination Resolution with Jon Stewart|