by Chris Haire
I don't know Logan Smith, the editor of the Palmetto Public Record.
I can't vouch for him.
And I have absolutely no idea if his blog post claiming that the Department of Justice may soon indict Gov. Nikki Haley is true. I wasn't there when he talked to his sources, a "highly ranked federal official" and "two well-placed legal experts." As far as I know, those three sources could be little more than smear-campaign apparitions.
But I do know this: There is either a vast, well-coordinated conspiracy against our incorruptible, honest-to-a-fault, good-ole-boy-challenging governor — one involving GOP bigwig John Rainey, "disreputable" blogger Will Folks, Lt. Gov. Glenn McConnell, the Lexington Medical Center job application phantom, the General Assembly's e-mail server, and The Post and Courier's Renee Dudley — or Nikki Haley is exactly the kind of politician that we all hate the most: the two-faced, smiling glad-hander who uses her political post to line her pockets with filthy lucre and views her job as little more than a stepping stone into a more lucrative world as a cable news pundit and self-help circuit snake oil salesman.
It's no surprise that I lean toward the latter option. Not because I hate Haley — and I do. But because I don't believe in conspiracies.
JFK's assassination, the moon landing, 9/11 — for any conspiracy to work, you've got to ignore human nature. You have to imagine that we as a people are not programmed to gossip. You have to believe that all the members of the conspiracy can keep a secret, that they are loyal enough to one another not to finger their fellow conspirators when it becomes political or personally advantageous to do so. I've watched enough Survivor to know that even the noblest among us will stab an ally in the back if the right circumstances arise.
And for that reason, I have a hard time believing Nikki Haley. Her latest Facebook post doesn't change that.
Late last night, Haley had this to say about the report that an indictment might be coming her way:
Sorry fellas. I'm not going anywhere no matter how many lies you put on a blog. The days of dirty blogger politics will come to an end when people stop paying these guys to spread trash.
Well, here's the thing: Lies are only lies if they are lies, and we all know that a liar will lie to your face until the bitter, bitter end (See Bill Clinton, Anthony Weiner).
That said, Logan Smith could be a douche bag of the first order. At the very least his enthusiasm to bring down Haley could be clouding his judgment. Only time will tell.
However, I just wanted to be the first to say that I welcome our new Confederate overlord. I can't wait for the inaugural Stars and Bars ball. You can send that invitation to 1049 Morrison Drive, Charleston, S.C., 29403.