by Chris Haire
There is a traitor in the Ron Paul camp.
A fifth columnist.
A Benedict Fucking Arnold.
And what's most shocking of all, considering the lock-step devotion of many Paultards to their libertarian messiah, is the identity of this scoundrel: Rand Paul.
I know. I know. I can't believe it either. And I can't wait to see what City Paper columnist and Ron Paul campaign blogger Jack Hunter has to say about it.
As you know, last Thursday on Sean Hannity's Fox News show, Rand officially endorsed Mitt Romney, the big-government-loving, ideologically impure, naugahyde-skinned and rayon-haired scourge of true-blue Barry Goldwater conservatism. Now, Rand noted that his father Ron was his first choice, but, um, the old doc didn't win the GOP nominee, so them's the breaks.
Being the reactionary idealogues that they are, the Paulards went all spider monkey.
See, the sin that Rand Paul has committed here is the sin of being a politician. You know, an opportunistic smiley glad-hander who'll do whatever it takes to get ahead, even if it means that getting ahead pisses off their diehard devotees. And they're able to do this because their true-blue supporters will forgive them like a black-eyed pop starlet forgives her Iron Ike Turner before the bruises have even healed. Don't stop believing, the ideological beatings will continue.
But right now, it certainly seems like Rand is on the outs with the Ron Paul Revolution's curmudgeonly core of grassroots pitchforkers whose sole rallying cry is "Vote the bums out, but keep your goddamn paws off my class-action mesothelioma lawsuit and scratch-off lottery tickets." These poor saps are suffering under the mistaken belief that waving a Don't Tread on Me flag on the weekends is the same as holding a job and dropping Tea Party talking points entitles them to an exemption from paying their income taxes. But worst of all, they simply never expected Rand Paul to endorse Mitt Romney. After all, Romney is the enemy. Not only was he a beta tester for Obama Care, but his viewpoints are as malleable as Play-Doh.
Now, if you've been following Jack Hunter, you know that coalition-building is on the Paul campaign's mind. They are thinking about compromise. And it's no secret that the Romney camp and the Paul camp are fairly tight. In fact, it's been rumored that they were working together during the GOP primary. The truth is Ron and Rand always ended to endorse Mitt. To think otherwise is just naive.
The main goal of the two Pauls is to get Obama out of office, but that doesn't mean the duo have abandoned their long-term goal of transforming the Republican Party. They do. Unfortunately, they're going to have a doozy of a time explaining to their diehard supporters that change is going to come, but it's just not going to happen anytime soon. The revolution will be televised, but right now, it's stuck in development hell.