Lance Armstrong is the best doper in a sport of dopers


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Forget germaphobes.

And Middle Eastern despots.

The fathers of 16 year old girls.

No one is more paranoid than a lying, cheating bastard. No one. And I've known plenty. In fact, I'm sad to say, some of them have been my friends.

But the one trait that they always have — aside from their fragile ego's never-ending need for a self-esteem boost — is an itching, nagging, gnawing feeling that their significant other is getting a little something-something on the side. And this bothers them to no end.

They will check voice mails. They will search through pockets. They will hurl accusations with little to no evidence.

Which brings me to the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency's decision to publicly accuse Lance Armstrong of using performance-enhancing drugs.

As you know, the seven-time Tour de France champ Armstrong has been investigated in the past and he has been cleared. In fact, he's never failed a piss test. Never.

But let's say the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency is able to prove that Armstrong used performance-enhancing drugs during his career — and who knows if they will. (Honestly, I believe they're playing the same game of chicken with the cycling great that everyone else has played, and they're hoping that he finally comes clean, which he won't.) What does that do to his legacy? Honestly, it should have no effect. None at all. Why?

We all know Armstrong is a doper because everyone in professional cycling is a doper. The only difference is some get caught and some never do. Lance is in the latter category.

In a sport in which all the athletes are cheating bastards, Lance Armstrong has proven time and time again that he is the best cheating bastard among the bunch. And, I don't know about you, but that makes him pretty fucking great.


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