by Chris Haire
I'm a slow learner.
After years and years of boozing it up and waking up with a vice-grip headache and an uncontrollable need to tag bathroom stalls with belly bile, I have not learned to turn down that 1:30 a.m. Jagerbomb. No matter how many beers I've already downed, I just can't say no.
Some might say that I have a drinking problem. I disagree. I'm just a pleaser who hates to say no. Still, I like to think that one day I'll learn. Maybe — just maybe — I'll quit caring so goddamned much about the feelings of my fellow man.
There is hope though. After all, I've finally come to the realization that every presidential election will be stolen. Or at least that's what the dipshits will believe.
Case in point: The folks over at World Net Daily want everybody to know that President Barack Obama and his cronies stole Mitt Romney's Election Day win thanks to a well-organized campaign of voter fraud and intimidation.
“In Florida: Obama Got Over 99% in Broward County Precincts”
“What Luck! Obama Won Dozens of Cleveland Districts with 100% of the Vote”
“Good News: Obama Won County in Ohio with 108% Voter Registration”
“BREAKING: St. Lucie County, Florida Had 141.1% Turnout; Obama Won County”
“Fraud in PA: Obama Got Over 99% of Vote at Polls Where GOP Inspectors Were Removed; Turnout Somehow ’30%’ Above Gov’t Numbers”
“Out of 175,554 registered voters, 247,713 vote cards were cast in St. Lucie County, Florida, on Tuesday”
I don't have time to address all of these, so I'll just look at the two most egregious examples of dum-dummery.
As for Obama's victory in Wood County, Ohio,, political writer Rich Exner of the Cleveland Plain Dealer believes there are several explanations for why it appears that 108 percent of registered voters voted on E.D. 2012.:
1. Wood County includes Bowling Green State University. Exner says that BGSU has been growing quite a bit in recent years and these increases were not reflected in the Sept. 12 article he wrote that WND cities. Exner believes he used Census 2000 figures, not current figures.
2. Exner also says that names are not removed from voting lists until it is confirmed that someone has moved, has died, has gone four years without voting, etc. He adds that it's possible people have moved/finished school but have never bothered to tell the Wood County Board of Elections.
As for the case of St. Lucie, Fla., where 141 percent of registered voters apparently voted, I talked to a source there who says that only 70 percent of registered voters cast ballots. The reason for the mix up: This year's ballot was two-pages long, and for whatever reason, the St. Lucie Election Commission election day report notes the number of "cards" cast and not the number of ballots. Which means that the number of votes that were actually cast were half of what WND and others are now reporting.
Anyhow, I'm sure there's some sort of perfectly reasonable explanation for all of these suposed Election Day peculiarities, not that the conspiracy jerkoffs will ever believe them. I'm afraid we're stuck with those assholes.