I'm a dreamer, a believer, a revisionary visionary visualizing various and sundry visions, and I believe it's high time that we bought true change to Washington. It's time for us to fix Congress once and for all.
While some of my friends in the world of armchair political punditry believe that the only way to save our nation is to vote all the bums out, I disagree. They're more than welcome to stay. All of them. Even Lindsey Graham — that most foul of politicians, a bipartisan beast who works both sides of the aisle like a street hustler turning tricks at 53rd and 3rd.
But there's a catch — one that all Americans can get behind: Once elected, members of Congress must wear yoga pants, all day, everyday.
Consider it a blow in favor of transparency. After all, when we finally see our nation's fair senators and representatives in skin-tight lycra, they won't have anything else to hide. All of their shortcomings will be there for all Americans to see.
As for the president, well, that poor bastard will have to wear a thong and assless chaps.
Now, if only we can find a politician willing to sponsor this piece of groundbreaking legislation.