Recent Facebook Status Updates

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I need a job.  I brushed off my old resume and instead of putting work experience I just wrote- I'll Suck Your Dick. 

Fast and Furious opens this weekend.  Does the title describe the movie or how people are going to be leaving the theatre?  The one thing I like about Vin Diesel is that his name perfectly describes the movies he makes.  Vin- short and tight; Diesel- it's going to smell like gas.

Marriage is like a roller coaster.  There are lots of ups and downs, and lots of screaming "Get me off this thing." 

My wife recently told me she doesn't want to be married.  Is there an app for that? 

A friend had a baby recently.  She gave me a very honest assessment of parenthood.  She said I love my baby more than anything in the world, and if I didn't, I'd kill it.

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