by Sam Spence
Remember a few of these Blotter all-stars from 2015? We know it's hard, but you're going to have to pick your favorite. Cast your vote at the bottom of this post. And don't forget to look through our accounts of some of our other favorite Blotter entries in this week's cover story.
Roadside Lovin' - A cop found a man and woman on a mattress by the interstate. The woman had no pants on, her legs were spread, and there was an empty bottle of Canadian whiskey beside the mattress. When the officer approached them, the man complained that the cop had "ruined our foreplay" and that they "were about to do a little bump and grind."
Blue Himself - A park employee reported a case of vandalism after finding what he believed to be paint on a fountain. He told police he had caught a man with blue paint all over his clothes, face, hair, and hands. The suspect told police that he had decided to dye his hair while sitting at the fountain. In other words, he "blue" himself.
Bloody Belligerent - A man reportedly took acid and then ran straight through a window into a hotel room, stripped off his clothes, and bled all over the bed sheets. A police officer arrived on the scene and found the naked, bloody man attempting to run through a metal gate in front of the hotel. After failing to break through the gate, the man then tried to run toward the officer, who pulled out a taser and ordered him to get on the ground. The man put up a fight, but the officer managed to cuff him and charge him with disorderly conduct and damage to real property.
Bey's Bae - Police arrived at the home of a panicked woman claiming to be the daughter of Beyoncé Knowles. The woman also said that her couch was filled with 500 rats and that rodents were also crawling through the air vents. While speaking with police, the woman pulled out a joint and began smoking before she was eventually taken into custody.
Condom Caper - When a man walked into a convenience store and asked if there was any free food, the cashier said there wasn't any free food but offered to buy him a hot dog. The man then grabbed 10 boxes of condoms, put them in a plastic bag, and walked out of the store without paying. Sounds like the only hot dog that interested him was in his pants.