by John Stoehr
I don't expect most to know about his column. I don't expect serious-minded readers to take him all that seriously. Even so, RadioFree Rocky D, the conservative talk-show host at WTMA, is among the many people who've seen the new Indiana Jones movie and can't come to believe that it's possible to survive a nuclear blast simply by hopping into a refrigerator — lead-lined or not. Even Rocky D, who seems capable of swallowing all manner of bullshit, thinks Lucas and Spielberg have gone way passed jumping the shark. They have, with this franchise, officially nuked the fridge.
Rocky D writes about Hollywood movies for a monthly newspaper called The Lowcountry Sun. The paper is geared toward senior citizens. From what I can tell, it's mostly press releases and well-meaning columnist giving mundane advice on gardening, finance, health, and other topics of concern to senior citizens. The paper's free and available in many places around town.
D's column is called "Politically Incorrect Movie Reviews." There's little in the way of original thinking involved. In fact, if you set each month's column side by side, they'd look pretty much the same — a common trope seems to be "I know this, because Hollyweird tells me so" — with the difference being the movie under the glare of D's histrionic and pandering powers of scrutiny.
Toward to end of this month's column, he cites Harrison Ford's leaping into the lead-lined refrigerator. The citation, I might note, is a fragment, not a complete sentence (but what does that matter?).
"If you can believe he can survive a nuclear blast by hiding in a refrigerator ..."
Some other nonsensical passages from Rocky D (italics his):
"66-year-old (so they tell us) Harrison Ford returns as the teacher/adventurer ..."
"Set in 1957, the year of the great Chevy (and Indy looks a bit like a '57 Chevy rode hard) ..."
"... as we all found out later (yet Hollyweird still denies it), there really were commies here."
On the movie's plot: "Older, crotchety Indy and his older, crotchetier friends (one young punk excepted) fight evil whiteys as they try to return ET's cranium, all the while making old-guy jokes."
"There is so much PC in [the movie] it's hard to know where to search first. ... the commies in the movie look different than your average American in 1957. They're sinister, extreme looking and very pale. This is Hollyweird's way of justifying its commie-friendly past, which got them in trouble with Senator McCarthy."
"Factoid: Since the Berlin wall got the smackdown and the Soviet Union shattered into pieces, FBI records and old Soviet files from Moscow show that Senator McCarthy has been essentially proven correct. Bet you won't see a Hollyweird movie about that."