If you want to carouse late at night with the rich and beautiful people of Charleston, @justhaveaseat
’s Twitter feed is for you. He posts bon mots that will make you swoon with delight as he throws shade on party interlopers and random drunks. It’s decadent, sexy, and sometimes totally nude. We can only hope that his confessional openness means his family seriously has no idea what Twitter is. Some recent faves that we’ve strung together read like some sort of twisted black-hearted poetry: I can barely feel my pulse. I should shoplift something today. / Hiers jacked my navy vest. What shall I wear tonight? All I can find is tape and cocktail napkins. / There is nothing more awful than a fat kid in cowboy boots. / I think I just took some generic Sudafed. It’s either that or some sort of hallucinogenic. / Here’s the thing, little girl… no one cares what your family owns. You’re at a dive bar. Fuck you. / Having a cocktail with a lady fashionably wearing a Life Alert necklace. Pardon. My. Swag. / It’s cute how you can totally tell a couple is heading towards marriage when they both get fat. / I should really get in the shower, but this episode of Moesha is so powerful. / I awoke, hours later, fully-clothed (yet well-dressed) with a shoe in my bed and scarf choking me like a prison bitch. / There’s an abandoned nipple tassel at the end of my staircase. So, that’s new. / I’m really just here to fuck with people.