by Chris Haire
As I read the reports this morning about the thousands, if not millions, of Americans that flocked to Chick-fil-A yesterday to show their support for the embattled fast-food giant, a thought occurred to me: They just don't make bigots like they used to.
It's tough being a bigot these days. The time-honored hobbies of the hatemonger are no longer accepted by society at large. Bigots can no longer tell racist jokes or call someone a fag or gather up a posse of like-minded fellows to beat somebody silly for being something other than white, straight, and god-fearing. These days, they have to resort to flocking en masse to a fast-food chain to buy a fucking chicken sandwich. Nathan Bedford Forrest weeps.
For the throngs of mothercluckers who participated in yesterday's Chick-fil-A chicken choking, their little show of solidarity had next to nothing to do with protecting the First Amendment. It was about returning the world to the way that it used to be — a world where their children can bully their effeminate classmates without fear of punishment, a world where gay employees can be fired for simply being gay, a world where folks like Matthew Shepard get what is coming to them. Yesterday's mass fuck-you was about finding a home for their hatred, that one place out in public where they can be free to speak all the hateful thoughts in their heads without recrimination, without fear. And they succeeded.
Chick-fil-A is theirs for now and evermore. I certainly won't be eating there ever again, and I'm willing to bet that, despite Wednesday's impressive turnout, the restaurant chain's most profitable days are behind it. Chick-fil-A made their stand, and unfortunately, it was on the wrong side of history.
Years from now, we'll look back at Aug. 1, 2012, and laugh as we remember this day. We'll think about the bigots who flocked to Chick-fil-A proclaiming they were fighting for freedom when in fact they were doing just the opposite. And from inside every Chick-fil-A, each one a Fortress of Slur-Spewing Solitude, they will watch as the rest of the world passes them by on the march toward equal rights as they are left trapped in their chicken coops, spending the remainder of their bitter, hate-filled days in nests made out of their own shit.