Blotter o' the Week: A very drunk man was found lying on the sidewalk wearing only one shoe. When asked what happened to his other shoe, he replied, "A monkey from the North Pole took it."
Police responded to a report of a noise violation at a downtown house and found about 30 people drinking on the sidewalk and in the backyard. When officers went inside to question the man who lived there, he said he was holding the party to raise money for his rugby team. As he was speaking with the police, 60 to 70 more people exited the house. Rugby players: Playin' hard, partyin' hard.
A police officer pulled a driver over for making an improper turn late at night, and the man told the officer that he was driving his friends home from working at a donut shop. There's an easy cop/donut joke in here somewhere, but according to the incident report, nobody took advantage of the opportunity.
Insane Overreaction o' the Week: During a disagreement over an electric weedeater, a man grabbed the weedeater's owner by the neck and slammed him on the ground, breaking his ribs.
A woman says that she and her friends were freshening up in a single-seater restroom at a bar when a stranger barged in, used the toilet in front of them, and then punched her in the face before running out of the room.
After a police officer stopped him for a drug bust, a man said, "I have more weed in my nuts." Indeed, he was hiding 31 baggies of marijuana in the crotch of his pants.
Priceless Police Report o' the Week: "The offender was asked why his breath smelled of alcohol, and he advised [the officer] about aliens. When asked if aliens put alcohol on his breath, the offender said, no, but it might have been spilt on him at the party he was attending."
A man walked into a hotel lobby around 2 a.m. and asked for a room, then changed his mind and started screaming at the clerk. After being told to leave, the man returned to the lobby, plugged his phone into an outlet, and informed the hotel staff, "I fucking will do whatever I want to do." When police caught up with the man, he said, "I wasn't over there. And what happened?"
Jackass o' the Week: Employees at a bar say a man was amusing himself by putting his arms around strangers and then screaming in their faces. When police arrested the man on a charge of public disorderly conduct, he responded by calling one of the officers a "fag" and a "queer."
A police officer found a man and a woman passed out in a car in a parking garage. The man's head was hanging out of the car, and the woman had vomit on her dress. As the officer asked them questions, the man and the woman woke up and then fell back asleep.
A cop watched as a group of guys stumbled down the sidewalk and pushed one of their friends to the ground, knocking a recycling bin over in the process. When the officer asked the men to clean up the mess, one of them took off running, laughing and yelling as he went, and tried to hide behind a pole in a parking lot. Sounds like the college students are officially back in town.
Police stopped a man who was rooting through a trash can around 2:45 a.m. and asked what he was doing. The man, who had an open Powerade bottle containing beer sitting on the sidewalk beside him, replied, "Just hanging out." He was cited for an open container violation.
Smooth Getaway o' the Week: A man watched as two strangers stole his bike and rode off together, with one of them seated on the handlebars. He told police, who later found the two thieves riding the bike together a few blocks away.
A bike cop found a man straddling another man in the middle of the street and punching him repeatedly with both hands. When he approached the two, the man on top ran off, and the man left bleeding on the ground said, "He beat me up like a bitch!"
Stolen From Vehicles This Week: A purse, two wallets, four credit cards, a debit card, an iPhone, an iPad, a woman's swimsuit, a kiteboarding kite, and a slingshot-style waist harness.
A bicyclist found 18 .233-caliber shell casings along the West Ashley Greenway. Bike gangs must be getting dangerous these days.
Cryptic Text Message Threat o' the Week: "Why it's best we are team creating your future is that we're all murderous pricks, and it's bad to Fuck with us is the same, we're all murderous pricks. I highly recommend you test our resolve."