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Blotter: An angry blond, a middle school mama, and basic training accessories

Highlights from the City of Charleston police reports

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BLOTTER O' THE WEEK: At closing time, a restaurant employee claimed he was assaulted by two brothers after the employee referred to one as "the blond." The two also allegedly threw a cookie display, broke a broom, destroyed a chip rack, and smashed various sauce bottles.

Asked how she felt she did on a roadside sobriety test, a woman told officers, "I failed. I failed life. I'm sorry."

Items Stolen This Week: Five bikes, two iPods, and a GPS unit.

A man was caught shoplifting several pieces of jewelry, but he pleaded with officers to let him give the stuff back. He said he's got basic training for the military next week. They don't even let you have hair in basic. What makes you think they'd let you keep that watch?

A 14-year-old was cited for disturbing school after allegedly attacking another middle school student. The girl told police that the victim insulted her baby. We're assuming this is a baby baby and not a Justin Bieber "Baby."

Two women were arrested for shoplifting from a West Ashley department store. But one woman was sure they had beat the system because they made it to the car, arguing, "They should stop you in the store if they see you doing it, 'cause I didn't think they could do anything about it once you make it out of the store."

Threat O' The Week: "You better smarten up or I'll smarten you up."

Officers stopped to question a college student after he nearly stumbled into traffic. The young man told officers he was 19, but then handed officers an ID for a 21-year-old. "Oh, yeah. That's my fake ID," he said. "Let me give you my real one." The student then asked for a ride and told officers he was waiting for a cab so he could get to Thanksgiving — on Dec. 14.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We've added a cartoon and a little commentary. We've added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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