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Blotter: Bigfoot angry! Bigfoot smash car!

Can I speak with the maƮtre d'euce?



Blotter o' the Week: Police found a large indentation in the door of a parked vehicle. At the center of the indentation was a 12-inch-long dusty shoe print. Bigfoot angry! Bigfoot smash car!

Witnesses say a man stood outside an all-night diner around 3 a.m. and started forcefully slapping the window. When the window shattered on the third impact, the man stood still for a few seconds and then walked to a black luxury car and drove away.

Police gave a man an open-container ticket for sitting on a park bench with an open 1-liter box of white wine.

A man told police he suspected an estranged ex-roommate of cutting cables and pouring liquid on his laptop computer, DVD player, wireless internet USB connector, TV remote, computer keyboard, mouse, and VCR — although he had to admit the VCR might have just died of old age.

When a cop approached a car in a parking garage that had foggy windows, two boys jumped out and ran away, leaving behind their two young female friends to take the rap for all the weed and fortified wine in the vehicle. Real chivalrous move, dudes.

A woman who was suspected of driving under the influence initially told police that she had drunk "a little too much wine" and hadn't eaten enough that day. And by "a little too much," she meant a bottle-and-a-half.

Flattering Suspect Description o' the Week: A woman who had her wallet stolen at a bar noted that a "well-dressed homeless person" had been standing behind her for a while.

Worst Neighbor o' the Week: A resident at a women's shelter called police to report that someone near the shelter was holding band practice between the hours of 7 a.m. and 9 a.m. with loud, amplified instruments.

Police responded to an apartment where a former tenant was allegedly trespassing. The officers searched nearly all of the rooms before spotting the man hiding behind a pegboard in a closet with only a pant leg and a foot visible.

A man walked into a store wearing a black wig, white dress shirt, and black bell bottom pants, and used a shopping basket to shoplift 18 female clothing items and two bed comforters. He made it out to the parking lot before realizing that a loss prevention officer was hot on his trail, at which point he threw the wig and dress shirt in a ditch and took off running. He initially got away, but police caught him walking down the street shortly afterward and arrested him.

After the staff at a bar wrestled an unruly patron to the ground and police arrived to arrest the man, another patron decided it would be a good idea to throw beer at the cop. So he got arrested, too.

Around 11 p.m., police found a man pacing the roof of a third-floor apartment in naught but his shorts with several lacerations on his body from jumping over nearby fences. The man told the reporting officers that, in addition to being "a user of multiple narcotics and unknown pills," he had taken 10 shots of unidentified liquor that evening and was now up on the roof trying to somehow help an unidentified woman who was several blocks away. The cops arrested him on a charge of public intoxication. It remains unclear what exactly was going on.

Second-Worst Neighbor o' the Week: A man called police from home to report that a young man had stood on a nearby roof in broad daylight and peed on the roof of a shed. When police knocked on the neighbor's door, a woman answered and said that no men were present.

A man on a skateboard is suspected of stealing a canvas beach bag containing $3,500 in cash.

Shoplifting Haul o' the Week: Four Playstation 4s.

After struggling to enter the pass code to use the public restroom at a hotel, a man dropped his trousers in the hotel lobby, squatted, and left a fat pile of poo on the floor. He eventually figured out the pass code and ran into the bathroom, where police found him wiping his butt and explaining, "I couldn't hold it." Should've consulted with the maître d'euce.

All-Time Low o' the Week: Police found a man passed out on the sidewalk and noted that the man "wasn't wearing his shoes, his hands had dried blood on them, and he had a bleeding laceration to his chin as well as dirt all over his face and saliva on his shirt," according to an incident report. When they woke the man up, he said he had consumed six or seven alcoholic beverages.

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