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Blotter: Grammar school combatants

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Blotter o' the Week: A fight between three students at Murray-Lasaine Elementary was determined to be a "mutual combatant situation," conjuring images of drones in remote places rather than a crowded public school bathroom.

An officer "illuminated" an area under scaffolding off King Street and "observed" a suspect "from behind." Rightfully suspicious, the suspect turned around, "revealing his member while continuing to urinate." Is there a charge for peeping while policing?

In a written statement to a superior, the manager of a downtown gas station said that she "borrowed" about $2,900 in cash from the store. Just like I "borrowed" that Hubba Bubba gum tape from a bodega when I was six.

A man tried to use a debit card he found in the parking lot of a gas station to buy cigarettes and beer at the same gas station. The store clerk called the police after recalling a phone call from a woman saying that she might have lost her card near the business 30 minutes earlier.

An Ohio woman caught publicly urinating told an officer, "Okay, I admit I peed, but that isn't mine," when a glass vial with half a gram of weed was found next to her puddle.

BTW CPD, that "green leafy substance" and "plant like matter" you keep finding is just actual flowers.

A Jack Russell Terrier came running out of his owner's West Ashley backyard and attacked two other dogs that were being walked. The Jack Russell's owner then decided to euthanize the pup after realizing that it is a dog eat dog world after all, but probably not that kind.

An unknown suspect broke into a West Ashley grocery store overnight and stole 15 packs and 15 cartons of Newports, along with two cartons of a different brand, for a total value of $1,907.55. No smoking gun has been identified in this cloudy crime.

Someone left a holstered handgun atop a paper towel dispenser in the men's bathroom of a downtown sandwich shop.

A West Ashley driver found a man lying face down along the road in a puddle of his own blood with a half-consumed 40 in a bag next to him. Something tells us that's not how his night was supposed to go.

A North Carolina woman walked into a James Island department store with a friend and a child. After trying to pay for an iPad with a declined credit card multiple times, the trifling trio stuffed a shopping cart with groceries and clothes and rushed to the parking lot, where they loaded the apparel and a 12-pack of Cottonelle into their silver hatchback before speeding off. The driver was identified through a partial tag number, which was confirmed via a Folly Beach street camera. No amount of toilet paper can get rid of this shit.

A man found his wife lying unresponsive on their hotel bed after returning to the room from breakfast, which was apparently the last thing she needed.

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