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Blotter: Just Cop It

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  • Steve Stegelin

Blotter o' the week: Almost $500 worth of Nike clothing was shoplifted from a West Ashley sporting goods store. It's a wonder that they escaped on foot without stealing running shoes.

A bag of what was suspected to be crack cocaine was found on the floor of a downtown emergency room. According to the complainant, the bag fell out of a patient's pocket while they were lying on a stretcher. The man made comments to suggest that he sells narcotics, but doesn't do them. Unfortunately, selling the stuff is a crime, while doing it is not.

The "bejesus" was scared out of a Johns Island woman when she discovered a "boulder" in her backyard. Officers advised that the rock was approximately 12 inches long and six inches wide. Johns Island is coming for your throne of bizarre police complaints, Daniel Island.

During a field sobriety test, officers advised a man to count down from 36 to 24. The man ended up counting backwards all the way to zero. Overachiever.

At a downtown museum, a man was seen facing the outside wall, near a puddle of suspected urine. We know what you're thinking: It could have rained that morning and officers are just mistaking the puddle of pee for rainwater. Wait ... the report goes on to say, "There was no rainfall last night nor this morning." Well, there goes that defense.

A West Ashley man answered his door to find two men, one with a gun. They told him that they wanted to "buy something from him." The victim wasn't sure what it was, but told officers that it could have been one of his four prescription drugs. But on TV, the only way to become a drug dealer was getting cancer and cooking meth in the desert with a former student.

Last Wednesday, a downtown gas station employee told police they had been having trouble with a trespasser all day. The culprit? A woman in her 60s wearing a red shirt and khaki pants — which were soiled.

A man dressed in what police described as bright African clothing and gold jewelry was placed on trespass notice after being "inappropriate" with women while driving a black Dodge Charger. Some guys are just too cool.

After getting a call from a downtown business owner, police found a man drunk and passed out beneath two "No Trespassing" signs. Responding officers noted that the man had also urinated on himself and his genitals were still exposed. What is it with people soiling themselves this week?

After officers stopped a man they had observed drinking something from a brown paper bag, the man told officers that they must have been mistaken and "there was no beverage."

When an officer approached a vehicle to speak to its driver, the driver rolled the front window down, letting out a billowing cloud of smoke. When asked what he was doing, the driver said, "Just sitting and smoking weed, trying to clear his mind."

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