BLOTTER O' THE WEEK: A woman said her car was keyed recently in a downtown parking garage. There was a note on the windshield with a picture of Mickey Mouse with his middle finger in the air. The note read, "Thanks! For parking like a total asshole! Why not take up a whole row! Assholes like you should take the bus ..."
Police were alerted to an incident on King Street due to "an excessive amount of screaming." The man told police that he wasn't yelling, he was practicing his rap vocals.
Police knock. Overheard through the front door: "Oh, shit. It's the cops. What do you want to do?" Well, nothing suspicious here.
Accused of impersonating a police officer with a jacket that read "Sheriff's Office Worchester County," a tow truck driver told police he wears the jacket on repos because he has had rocks thrown at him before and when he wears the jacket people leave him alone.
A man who reported his wallet and cell phone stolen ran into the suspect hours later at a bar. Police searched the accused and found another victim's GPS unit still attached to a car charger. It was evident that the navigational device wasn't the suspect's when he tried to argue that it was a cell phone.
Three ways to handle police questioning. Good: "I messed up." Bad: "That shit is old and this is bullshit. You guys are jerks." Ugly: "I hope that a nigger shoots you in the fucking face tomorrow because you are taking an innocent white motherfucker to jail."
After handing over his ID, a man became argumentative about being questioned. "Let me tell you the bottom line: You are going to give me my damn ID back and I'm going to the store!" He was arrested for public drunkeness. Apparently, that Jedi mind trick may only work on Tatooine.
Items Stolen This Week: Three iPods, two bikes, and a GPS unit.
Threat O' The Week: "What I'll do to you will require the po po."
The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We've added a cartoon and a little commentary. We've added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.