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Blotter: New Year's Inebriations

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Blotter o' the Week: A commemorative New Year's Eve midnight yoga session was abruptly interrupted when a drunk man wandered in and fell, but in our opinion, everyone involved should question their choices.

Employees at a West Ashley hardware store noticed security footage of a man running out with a $300 chainsaw, but we still have to ask an employee to unlock the razor case at the pharmacy.

This week in Things People Tried To Pass Off As Non-Alcoholic Drinks: A white Styrofoam cup, a can of Steel Reserve Hard Pineapple.

"Oh shit, I couldn't hold it man," were the final words of a man cited for peeing inside a green garbage can positioned for curbside pickup in Eastside.

A man stopped for swerving in his lane said he had a beer at work. Officers then noticed the smell of weed emanating from his car and found half a gram of cocaine in his jacket, taking this situation from bad to, "Are you serious?"

A South of Broad man opened his mail to discover two iPhone 8 Pluses. A perfectly adequate holiday gift if not for the fact that he was also on the hook for the $2,070 thanks to a fraudulent Verizon account opened in his name.

Officers took note of a woman on King Street "gesticulating wildly," carrying a beer can in one hand, and a silver steak knife in the other. She told officers she was fighting with someone at a bar across the street before pointing to nearly every person coming in and out of the bar.

A juvenile skater told officers he "was offended" that a Harleston Village resident would accuse him of breaking a walkway light fixture after grinding on the rail. We honestly didn't know skaters could feel indignation.

$30,000 worth of fraudulent checks have been cashed in a name of the real estate business owner. Among the signatures used in the fraudulent checks are "Richard Nixon," "Stephen King," and "Barack Obama."

Someone tried walking out of a Harris Teeter with $19 worth of chicken wings.

Three kids detonated fireworks inside of the Citadel Mall and ran into a Sears, ensuring in the process that no one would possibly find them.

Another fake $100 bill was successfully passed off as legal tender this week. This time, a delivery driver accepted the fake bill for a $45 order and gave the caller $55 back before noticing the words "copy" and "it's not the money it's a joke" printed on both sides.

Hopping in a car after a 10 minute Rite Aid run, a man drove all the way home before noticing the words "FUCK SC" spray-painted on the hood of his car.

A patron sat at a bar, ordered multiple shots for himself and his bartender, and claimed that he'd either kill her husband in order to sleep with her or kill her if she refused to sleep with him, which is exactly the rate at which flirting should escalate.

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