Blotter o' the Week: One downtown busker drew the attention of police after his serenade veered a little bit too far into sexual harassment and one woman’s boyfriend took offense to the man’s musical overtures.
Not to be outdone, another man playing guitar on a downtown street corner was asked to relocate after reports that he was disturbing shoppers in nearby stores. After moving down the street about 20 feet, the man could be heard loudly singing, “How do you like that, assholes?” as a family passed by. With this in mind, be sure to call your local radio stations and request that they make “How do you like that, assholes?” the No. 1 track of the summer. It’s a real banger.
A man was out at a bar late one evening when his roommate vomited on the floor, which is a pretty good sign to call it a night. After the roommate refused to clean up after himself, he fled the bar and was later tracked down by his friend, who attempted to load the roommate into a car. The roommate responded to his friend’s assistance by attacking him because no good deed goes unpunished.
Police followed a blood trail to the apartment of a man who had recently gotten into a fist fight with another man who lives in his building. Officers found the man standing in his bathroom, repeatedly referring to himself in the third person, saying the police were “not Americans” and he “does not talk to non-Americans.”
After a customer’s car went missing, a valet parking attendant told police that he routinely leaves cars running with the windows down and the keys in the ignition while he deals with other customers. Hopefully, the valet wasn’t relying on a tip.
Store security called police after a suspected shoplifter managed to escape with a tube of fade cream and super glue. Security told police that they attempted to stop the suspect before he exited the store, but they were distracted by another shopper who shouted, “Why are you stopping him? I’m going to the newspaper.”
Several items fell from a shoplifter’s pants as he was handcuffed by police, including DVD copies of Kong: Skull Island and Gifted, as well as a drone battery, Rubik’s cube, and a headlamp.
Police searching a vehicle found a cache of toy guns that were modified to look like actual weapons.
A young woman was seen exiting a convenience store with what an officer described as “two plastic grocery bags filled with an unusually large amount of wine bottles.” The officer then stopped the woman, who had used her older sister’s ID to purchase alcohol — an unusually large amount of alcohol.
Police were called regarding two men who were causing a disturbance late one evening downtown. Upon questioning, the men claimed that “one of those Arab Uber drivers pulled a 30-ought-6 on me and pointed it in my face.” The men later decided that their alleged attacker was Ukrainian. As the men repeatedly changed their story and became increasingly manic, an officer noticed that one of the men was under the influence of a controlled substance. That man was later taken into custody by police, forcing him to call down “God’s wrath” on the officer. His buddy closed out the evening by claiming to be a DEA agent.
Police seized a backpack from a man who was arrested for public intoxication. Inside the backpack, officers found what was described as “several rotting, biohazardous materials.” Due to the “horrible state” of the materials inside the bag, police were unable to identify exactly what they had discovered. They just knew that it was super gross.
Someone attempted to steal a woman’s identity in order to receive a $17,000 loan for hair plugs.