BLOTTER O' THE WEEK: A postal worker told police a man threatened his life for taking too long delivering the mail. Just wait until they end Saturday delivery.
Items Stolen This Week: Three bikes, three fishing rods, two iPods, two GPS units, and a purple jump castle.
A man wanted for a bad check tried to avoid arrest by giving officers another name. His attempt failed when the officer noticed his real name was tattooed on his arm.
The suspect in an assault case claimed he was Caesar, Jesus, God, and Allah. He then said he was going to steal people's souls and sell them to the devil. Which is so something Caesar would say.
Witnesses told police they saw three boys on the roof of an area middle school. A walkie talkie and candy were missing from inside. Evidence at the scene included a broken jar of pickles, two spent cans of Pepsi, and an empty box of lollipops.
Police Report O' The Week: "The offender attempted to discard the hammer by throwing it at the victim."
When police asked a suspect to let go of his groin, a bottle of vodka fell down his right leg. We're pretty sure that's not how you administer liquid courage.
Big Word O' the Week: After a woman failed a roadside sobriety test, the officer asked her how she thought she did. "I was enamored about what was going on," she said. Yep, drunk.
A woman was driving down the street with her boyfriend when he got a call from his cousin, accusing her of stepping out on her man. He quickly hung up the phone and began slapping and hitting her. Turns out he hung up too fast: The cousin later said it was an April Fools joke.
The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We've added a cartoon and a little commentary. We've added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.