A husband and wife spent a whole morning bickering until the wife took the husband's booze and started pouring it out in the sink. The husband retaliated by taking groceries from the refrigerator and throwing them in the toilet. First-world problems.
A woman found a handwritten note from her boyfriend on her doorstep. Police say the note was about "male and female spiders, dreams, previous relationships, his children, his and the victim's personal information and likes/dislikes, and other writings which she did not understand and made her fear for her safety due to the unstable ramblings." Maybe it was poetry.
Police woke a man up who had been sleeping in an apartment breezeway. The officer asked if he'd been drinking, to which the man replied, "Yes, but just beer. You can't get drunk off just beer." Obviously.
Employees found a backpack, four brightly colored dress shirts, two packs of boxers, two pairs of pants, and six T-shirts in the bushes outside of a department store. What is the return policy for shoplifted merchandise, anyway?
A woman was seen slashing the tire on a car while shouting into her cell phone, "I want the keys! I want the keys!" Betting she doesn't want the keys until the tire gets fixed.
An officer on patrol spotted a car with its tag light out. He tried to pull the car over, but the driver took a quick right turn, jumped out of the vehicle, and started running. In the course of the chase, he scaled a concrete wall and two barbed wire fences. Maybe he should parkour to work from now on.