Blotter o' the Week: A follicly beset shoplifter attempted to steal $171 worth of hair-removal products from a store, including a wet-dry shaver, electric razor, and a product to clean up his bikini area.
One man suspects that his ex-girlfriend and her new beau stole his silver and camel-bone handled straight razors from his home while she was moving out her belongings. The boyfriend later texted the man a cryptic message, reading, "I got a sweet new razor today."
A homeowner called police late one evening after she spotted a man sleeping in her driveway. Police were able to wake the man, who had drunk just enough to mistake pavement for a nice, comfy mattress.
A man asked to leave hotel property told police that he "just asked for a cup of coffee and that white redneck choked me." Upon further investigation, witnesses told the officer the man claiming to have been attacked left after it was discovered that he was not a guest of the hotel.
A nursing student was called by her friend to come check out her roommate who she believed to have consumed some unknown drug. After a one-hour check up from the nurse-in-training, police were called. According to an incident report, it is believed the roommate had been snorting bathsalts with his friends, which is probably not the first lesson in nursing school.
One man allegedly attempted to bite off another man's thumb during a physical altercation that began when he called the man a liar.
An elderly man received a call from a stranger claiming that his grandson had been arrested in Florida. In order to pay his grandson's bail, the man was asked to provide $8,000 in department store gift cards, which could actually be the preferred currency for law enforcement agencies in the Sunshine State.
A hotel guest left behind a 9mm pistol in their room after checking out, according to an incident report.
Shop owners called police when they realized an intoxicated man was walking around the store, eating whatever items he could get his hands on. After being told to leave, the man returned five minutes later, not remembering the conversation he had with officers just moments prior.
A man's Department of Defense identification card was stolen from his vehicle after he left it unlocked overnight. It's always comforting to know the country is in such capable hands.
A man mailed his laptop to a woman in Oregon who he had met online. After the woman declined to return the computer, she told the man that she had left his laptop in her apartment, but had been kicked out after not paying rent.
After allegedly threatening to shoot his neighbor's dogs, an intoxicated man complained to police about his Home Owners Association, which apparently has rules against murdering house pets.
A suspect in a hit-and-run incident covered for himself by saying "I can pay for the damage, but I have insurance issues" before fleeing the scene.
A man was walking down the street around midnight when a stranger ran up and "karate kicked" him from behind, according to an incident report.
Thieves managed to remove an entire dishwasher from a camper parked outside the victims' other, more stationary home.
A man was at his office one day when a coworker approached and said "God loves you." The man replied that "he knew God loves him and he loves God too," but the coworker was not convinced. After hitting the man in the face, their boss separated the two employees. Police soon arrived to find the violent coworker standing on top of a piece of equipment with his hands outstretched to the sky. The man later told officers that he had been in direct contact with Jesus and God and was just hoping to spread the gospel.