News+Opinion » Blotter

Blotter: Kids taking their parents trick-or-treating

Alpo on the hood

by

comment

Blotter o' the Week: Authorities were called after a man in a Walking Dead costume was observed stumbling and subsequently lying on the ground. The man, who was trick-or-treating with his children, was booked for public intoxication. Stella Adler would be proud of this man's commitment to the method.

Employees of a Spring Street restaurant returned to work one morning to find that one of the outside walls was spray-painted with the words "Eat the Rich" and "Workers Unite!!!" The revolution might not be televised, but it will certainly be recorded on the CP's blotter.

Two men parked at a gas station were cracking open a cold one when an officer approached them and noticed the single 16 oz. Icehouse can being poured into a plastic cup. Upon the officer's arrival, one of the men simply uttered, "Yea, you got me man." The defeated phrase probably symbolizes the shortest turn-up on record.

An officer on patrol approached an accident on King Street. Amidst a scented herbal haze, the man at fault for the crash calmly told the officer that he'd "just been chillin" before claiming that someone was in the back seat (which they weren't) and that he was just parked and waiting for someone at a nearby building (which he wasn't). If anyone knows anything about this man's plug, please route his contact info to our offices.

After hearing a commotion outside of his residence, a man went outside to see up to three cans' worth of Alpo dog food spread across the hood and windshield of his car, and eggs and hot sauce splattered on the side of his home. The man says all he knows of the offenders is that they are five women who go to a nearby college. Whether or not FAFSA covers these expenditures is yet to be determined.

A man called the authorities to inform them that his vehicle had been stolen, but that he had found it elsewhere in the peninsula and had it towed to his house. When asked by authorities why he didn't report the theft sooner, he said that the shock of having his vehicle stolen had left him unable to make the call.

Charleston's proletariat revolution continues to spread. An owner found the words "Fuck Capitalism," along with an encircled letter "A," spray-painted in front of her Cannonborough-Elliotborough property. One man's vanguard party is another man's midnight vandalism.

A resident called the police when she heard loud banging at her door in the middle of the night from someone she did not know. The woman causing the ruckus was promptly told she was at the wrong apartment. She was escorted home shortly after.

A woman found a two-night short-term rental listed on Craigslist and wired $600 to the poster. Upon her arrival at the house, the property manager told her she had been scammed. It might still be technically illegal in most of the city, but at least Airbnb comes with reviews and a customer service line.

A woman with a knife in her pocket was found throwing glass bottles at the doors of hotel guests. A man in one of the rooms said he met the woman at a strip club and that she had given him a ride back to his hotel after her shift was over. He kicked her out of the room when her behavior became unbalanced.

Add a comment