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Blotter: Phoning it in

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The Blotter is taken from Charleston Police Department reports. We've added a cartoon and a little commentary. We've added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

Blotter o' the week: A man who was illegally carrying a handgun was too busy looking at his phone to realize that he was walking directly toward three police officers.

After a minor traffic collision, the offender fled the scene, but he apologized first, which is pretty chill.

An employee was found unresponsive and sweating excessively in a restaurant freezer. The only thing his employer saw him consume was a 5 Hour Energy. He was transported to MUSC for further evaluation.

Charleston Police channelled their inner mean girl by describing one man as "very obviously homeless" in a report this week.

In West Ashley, a man exited a gas station with two cases of beer without attempting to pay. Apparently, the clerk didn't try to stop him. Wait, did he discover the secret to free beer?

A hit-and-run victim wanted police to find and press charges against the person that bumped into her car. There was "minor to no damage" to her vehicle and officers were able fix a loose bumper on scene ... because that's totally their job.

A downtown school requested police assistance to handle a cooperative fifth grader who was carrying a pocketknife that said "GR8 GUY" on it. The child stated several times that he had no intention to hurt anyone, presumably because he's a great guy, and that the pocketknife was just part of his keychain.

Police were called on a man for referring to a resident in his apartment complex a prostitute. The man told police that he was being disrespected by the other resident. Police asked the two parties not to talk to each other.

A Citadel cadet celebrated Ring Night with a trip to MUSC after sustaining a drunken head injury.

A man was arrested for entering a parking garage and falling asleep in a pick-up truck bed. The garage placed him on trespass notice two months prior to the most recent incident.

A young woman told police that she believes her stepmother is making her stepsister's boyfriend harass her.

Downtown, a man was observed pushing a young woman. Passengers of a car noticed it and yelled, "Don't push girls," at the offender. The man kicked their vehicle, at which point one passenger exited the car to restrain him. Police arrived shortly after.

Drinks seen in public intoxications from the last week: Icehouse Edge, King Cobra, and Mango-flavored White Claw. There are, in fact, still laws when you're drinking claws.

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