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The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We've added a cartoon and a little commentary. We've added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

Blotter Cry Fo' Help O' The Week: "I have a problem. It's my rock. I needs help."

A woman was working the self-checkout area of a James Island grocery store on Oct. 15 when a male employee approached her with a large produce knife hanging from his belt. When she asked what the knife was for, he said, "I'm going to kill you with it." He also approached her later that night, saying, "How does it feel to know your daddy can't protect you?" and "You're little people now." The Keebler Elves and Papa Smurf could not be reached for a statement.

The manager of a King Street discount store called the cops on Oct. 16 to report that a man had left the store without paying for some items. The man was found on Huger Street carrying a paper bag containing five bottles of lotion and hand wash that he admitted to taking. Only five bottles of lotion? Amateur.

Blotter Stolen Goods O' The Week: Size small Mighty Fine brand "hamburger" T-shirt

On Oct. 16, a man got off a CARTA bus and was immediately approached by three men wielding a two-by-four. "Give us your money," they said. When he handed over two dollars, they beat him with the plywood, saying, "You're gonna be blind," and then ran away. These new-age fortune tellers have gotten out of hand.

Around 2 a.m. on Oct. 15, a man snuck in the unlocked back door of a Market Street restaurant while employees were cleaning up. He managed to make it back into the alley with bags of french fries, hamburgers, buns, and cheesesticks before security saw him and gave him a bloody nose. Guess he just couldn't handle the Subway diet anymore.

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