When I say that Robert Luketic’s Killers is one of the stupidest movies I’ve seen this year, I feel as if I should make a quick clarification. When I say it’s stupid, I don’t mean it in the same vein that something like Marmaduke is, though I suppose Ashton Kutcher isn’t too far removed from an anthropomorphic Great Dane. No, in this case, the film is more of an insult to a person’s intelligence. The makers of Killers think they can get away with stream of triteness and lazy plotting, carrying on airs of originality that just aren’t there. Most of the movie plays like a tale of espionage culled from half-assed spy movies and Tom Clancy novels, with Kutcher miscast as Spencer, a suave CIA assassin. Since it’s doubtful Kutcher could even pull off being in Spy Vs. Spy, we instead get Agent Dopey-Oh-Seven here driving European sports cars, sneaking around on yachts to blow-up helicopters and waltzing around shirtless, all in the name of liberty. That’s until he meets Jen (Katherine Heigl), a single professional type on vacation with her parents (Tom Selleck and Catherine O’Hara) in Nice. The two hit it off immediately, and Spencer settles down to a normal life. The movie then kicks forward three years, where the doting couple are living the married life with Jen still none the wiser about Spencer’s past as a hitman. That it, until his former boss (Martin Mull) starts calling and Spencer quickly finds out he has a price on his head, and he must thwart the gang of neighbors and co-workers who turn out to also be professional killers. The bulk of the movie is Spencer trying to deduce who hired half the town to kill him, with interspersed bits of fisticuffs and gun play — all of it shoddy. The pay-off is even worse, since the film’s solution makes zero sense and doesn’t even hold up while the film’s running, let alone under any kind of scrutiny. The whole thing screams bargain basement.
Director: Robert Luketic
Writer: Bob DeRosa and Ted Griffin
Producer: Scott Aversano, Jason Goldberg, Mike Karz, Ashton Kutcher and Chad Marting
Cast: Katherine Heigl, Ashton Kutcher, Tom Selleck, Catherine O'Hara, Katheryn Winnick, Rob Riggle, Lisa Ann Walter, Mary Birdsong, Larry Joe Campbell and Kevin Sussman