Concertgoers live in a world they believe to be loud and free. But there is, unheard by most, an outer world, a barrier between in and out, just as loud but not as free as they thought — the world outside a venue, where the door guy simply wants you to pay the cover charge. Welcome to a few nights in the life of Tin Roof's door dude, Rex Stickel.
Me: "Hey guys, we're taking $7 for the bands tonight."
Band mom: "What if we're the parents of one of the bands and they're always mooching off us?"
Me: "Then right after the show I'd go up and ask for my cut of the door."
Some kid just asked me if I know how a Juul knows it's getting sucked on and I said, "I don't know but if it was me getting sucked on, I'd probably light up too."
"CAN I VENMO YOU?" — every millennial ever, in unison, in regards to paying the cover.
The irony of this older guy asking me if our Willy Wonka painting is spray paint (it is), as he's spraying spit at me at the same time.
Me: "Hey guys, I need everyone's IDs, and it's $5 to get in."
Some Girl: "FOR GIRLS?!"
Me: "The cover tonight is $7."
Guy: "How many bands are left?"
Me: "After this one, the headliner is left."
Guy: "OK, but this is one expensive ass piss."
I didn't say anything funny to him, but if I gotta hear this shit, you do too.
A 19-year-old just asked if pressing "withdrawal" on the ATM is the one that gets money out.
Me: "Hey guys, we have a $7 cover tonight."
Guy: "That's such an odd number for a cover.
Me: "Well it's more than 5 and less than 10 so it's not as scary."
Me: "Hey gang, it's a $7 cover tonight."
Four drunk people all start in at once.
"For West Ashley people?!"
"How about two for $2?"
"Well we don't want to pay."
Me: "How short on the cover are you?"
Lady: "I'm short, I'm like 5'4"."
Me: "Just give me a 20."
Small group walks up.
Me: "Hey guys, we still have one band playing but I can drop the cover to $5 — we're trying to help the touring bands out."
The four adults circle together, debating the pros and cons. "No thanks."
So if you claim to be a doorman, and then you try to bring in two very young looking girls to a bar with no IDs saying you can vouch for their ages, don't get pissed when the doorman denies you entry. Your kung fu is weak.
Sound Guy: "Hey do you know how this folding table works? The band decided they don't need it and now I can't fold it back up."
Me: "You just push the..."
Sound Guy: "Yeah I know I pushed 'em."
Me: "Pull on that..."
Sound Guy: "No that's what unlocks it, so — it literally makes no sense why it isn't folding now."
Me: "Well congratulations. You broke it and it's still a table."
Me: "Hey gang, the cover tonight is $8 and I need your IDs."
Kid: "Is it 21 and up? I'm only 19."
Me: "Oh ... sorry man, it is 21 and up."
Kid: "Is there anything we can do?"
Kid: "What if my friend here were 21, would that help?"
Me: "That would certainly improve his situation."