Concertgoers live in a world they believe to be loud and free. But there is, unheard by most, an outer world, a barrier between in and out, just as loud but not as free as they thought — the world outside a venue, where the door guy simply wants you to pay the cover charge. Welcome to a few nights in the life of Tin Roof's door dude, Rex Stickel.
Every member of some band just walked up together asking how to book a show. "How cute! But just wait until you're all no longer speaking to each other and the lawsuits start," I thought to myself, as I referred them to our website.
Me: "So it's $8 to get in."
Guy hands me $30 for three.
Me: "OK, so ..."
Girl: "For three of us, it's $24."
Me: "Cool! So ..."
Girl: "We get $6 back."
Me: "Listen, I've had a long day, and I refuse to do math. Thank you."
I get worried when after a band checks their individual instruments and the sound guy goes, "OK, everybody," and they don't play a song together.
According to 100 percent of the population so far, 100 percent of one dollar bills have been through a strip club.
Me: "The cover is $5."
Guy: "Is there a discount since I walked here?"
Me: "Yeah, it's called the Walking Discount."
Me: "No, it's $5."
Guy: "You need to see my ID?"
Me: "Yessir, and there's a $7 cover for the show tonight."
Guy: "Cover? I didn't know there's a cover. I'm here to see my buddy Dave — he plays drums."
Me: "He's in the band? Well the cover is to pay the bands."
Guy: "Oh. And it doesn't come with a beer or anything?"
Guy: "Hey, we're best friends with the band tonight. Is that cool with you?"
Me: "Uh ... huh?"
Guy: "We're best friends with the band. Is that cool with you?"
Me: "I think you're forgetting the part where you ask to get in for free."
Me: "We've got a $5 cover for the bands."
Guy: "Who are the bands?"
Me: "First it's the touring band, and then the local headliner, Ripley and the Ghost."
Guy: "When are they starting?"
Me: "Any minute now, really."
Guy: "And how about the ghost? You said there was a ghost performing."
Me: "Uhh, yeah, any minute now ..."
Me: "Hey man, the cover is $10."
Guy: "I'm actually in the band about to play."
Me: "That's cool man, come on in."
Guy: "That's right, I'm cool, I'm in the band."
Me: "I didn't say all THAT."
Me: "Hey guys if you're here for the show, it's $5."
Older Guy: "Conway Twitty! Conway Twitty! I came here to see Conway Twitty! Is he coming out? Conway Twitty!"
Me: "Conway Twitty? I'm sorry sir, I don't speak French."
Guy: "Conway Twitty?"
Guy: "Are there any stamps? Once we pay, can we, like, leave?"
Me: "Naw dude, it's like Hotel California. You can check out, but you can never leave."
Guy: *blank stare*
Me: Realizing the guy born in 1995 probably doesn't know who the Eagles are: "I'm kidding — you can leave."