For those who claim that if I don’t like a movie they know it’s good, has Hollywood ever got a treat lined up here. It’s The Smurfs, the latest hairball of a movie hacked up by Raja Gosnell, whose reputation for massively tasteless, awful movies is only enhanced by it. Mindful of all that cabbage Alvin and the Chipmunks raked in, The Smurfs opts not to be an actual Smurf movie, but one that transports the annoying little blue creatures — and their now live-action nemesis Gargamel (Hank Azaria) — to New York City, with a cast of, you know, actual human actors. As a result, only the very first part of the movie takes place in Smurftopia or whatever it’s called. According to the film, a blue moon opens a portal between a waterfall in the Smurf world and a fountain in Central Park, And where the main Smurfs go, the villainous Gargamel and his mostly CGI cat henchman Azrael (voiced by Frank Welker) follow. Once the action moves to New York, the Smurfs get themselves mixed up, and involved, with beleaguered ad man Patrick Winslow (Neil Patrick Harris) and his pregnant wife Grace (Jayma Mays). Patrick is already stressed by a two-day deadline to deliver an ad campaign to “comically” terrifying boss Odile (Sofia Vergara), not to mention his innate fear of fatherhood. Now, he’s got Smurfs on his hands. Smurfs, who crash his place of business and put his job in jeopardy (see also Mr. Popper’s Penguins and Hop). Grace, on the other hand, bonds with the things and Patrick, of course, will before it’s over. He’ll also learn What Really Matters and blah, blah, blah. It’s all remedial kiddie flick 101, which might be fine if you’re five years old and seeing your first movie.