Dear Little Old Lady That Lives Across the Street,
I have only seen you come out of your house once in the year that I've lived at my current house which leads me to believe that you're a bit of a shut in. That fact makes this next statement that much weirder: why does your mini trash can miraculously appear in front of our house every Sunday night? We're really not angry about it, honest. We are just completely mystified as to how it gets there. Also, you live on a main street downtown where the trash always gets picked up promptly on Monday morning so why do you put your tiny city-distributed can right next to ours? Our house is about 50 feet away from the front of your house. It seems kind of weird that you'd take the extra time to drag your can all the way across the street just so it can have company while waiting for the garbage truck overnight. What's really strange is that we have literally NEVER caught you doing it. It just magically appears there every Sunday. Are you secretly David Blaine? If so, I have SO many questions.
Seriously, I can't stress enough how NOT angry we are about it. Honestly, we're kind of impressed. I wonder if the people that move into our house when we're gone will notice the wonder and glory that is "mini-can lady". Keep the magic alive!